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Coming soon to a rearview mirror near
you is the City of Auburn’s latest tool in its spirited battle
against crime in our metropolis: the flashing red and blue
lights of a brand new 2006 Dodge Charger cop car.
You’ll be pulled over at night, and
you’ll never see it coming. The latest addition to Auburn
P.D.’s toy box is an unmarked, stealth version of this 21st
century reprisal of the Chrysler Corporation’s most beloved
muscle car, made famous by the Dukes of Hazard’s “General
Lee” street rod. Our new Charger is a bitchin’
machine, totally blacked out—sheet metal, wheels, grille,
bumper, windows—everything. Even though it’s a
four-door sedan, this screamer looks like it can fly.
 In
a high-speed chase, the good 'ole "General Lee"
driven by the Dukes of Hazard wouldn't have a chance against Auburn
P.D.'s 2006 police version of this legendary muscle car, the
Dodge Charger.
In a community with barely three miles of roadway
with a speed limit in excess of 35 mph, we now own and operate a
vehicle producing 345 horsepower with a top end of 146 miles per
hour, out of the box. Yeah, there’s a Hemi under the
hood, a 5.7-liter mill that with its speed-limiting governor removed
will exceed 160, no problem. According to Craig Peterson—the
dean of cop magazine editors—writing in “Law Officer,”
the new Charger is faster than the legendary 440 Mopars of
the late 60s.
Auburn needs this vehicle as much as Mayberry’s
Deputy Sheriff Barney Fife needed a bullet in his shirt pocket.
Not only is the race-version of the Charger overkill for Auburn’s
legitimate law-enforcement needs, it could be downright deadly in
the wrong hands.
That’s the opinion of Peterson and
many police officials. Says Peterson: “I suspect
that a fair number of small-town chiefs and sheriffs will find a
way to spec-in a Hemi, even those with five square miles of patrol
area to cover with a maximum speed limit of 35 mph to enforce. It’s
that testosterone thing, you know.”
Well, in Auburn’s instance, it is
unlikely that testosterone is a factor.
What concerns more temperate police commanders
is the potential for lethal “collateral damage” associated
with hyper-fast police vehicles. Peterson writes:
“But that 150-mph capability could
prove problematic for Dodge. In the early 1990s, Ford quietly
shopped around a prototype 140-mph police Taurus powered by the
SHO high-output V-6. They dropped the idea after hearing from
many commanders that the collateral damage certain to accompany
a 140-mph patrol car simply can’t be justified. Their
officers have been convincingly demonstrating an inability to control
much slower cars for many years. Putting high-powered units
into their hands would be an open invitation to disaster, they said.”
Bottom line is that high-powered vehicles
get used in high-speed chases and people—often innocent people—can
be injured or killed.
The Auburn P.D. could have opted for a
more sedate version of the Charger, and still get its stealth capabilities.
A 250-hp, 3.5-liter, V-6 version could be had and still hit 130
mph top end; 0 to 60 mph in about 8 seconds.
The flip side is we can be thankful that
the SRT8 version of the Charger is not available in a cop model
yet. This rocket ship flaunts a 6.1-liter power plant that
cruises at 175 mph and does 0 to 60 mph in 110 feet. . .right out
of the wrapper!
This is not Auburn's Stealthmobile, but close enough (less rear-deck
air foil and chrome wheels). If a car likes this pulls
you over, it won't be Darth Vader emerging from behind the wheel,
it will be one of Auburn's finest.
These puppies don’t come cheap.
With the cop motor and cop suspension, the sticker price on the
Hemi Charger is a stiff $28,805, and that’s before adding
all of the cop goodies—radios, computers, stealth paint package
and aviator sunglasses.
Our new Stealth Charger joins an already
impressive Auburn P.D. fleet of rolling stock. In addition
to standard patrol cars, we collectively own motorcycles, a Mustang,
SUVs and a $350,000 motor home configured as a DUI command center
that we share with nearby communities. (The motor home is
so versatile; it looked fabulous when it was trotted out for
the Festival of Lights Parade, gaily decked out in holiday lights.)
Auburn Police Chief Valerie Harris attended
a recent Old Town Business Association meeting, and I asked her
why her department purchased the new Charger. She said that
other nearby jurisdictions have acquired the stealth model because
they are useful for drug and burglary surveillance.
That’s interesting because so far,
I’ve seen our new hot rod on the street twice: Once
being used by an officer for local transportation; and once being
used for what appeared to be a vehicle stop at 11 p.m. on Lincoln
Way in front of the Monkey Cat Restaurant.
One would hope there are plans to implement
a driver-training program for Auburn P.D. officers assigned to operate
this obscenely powerful machine. Before anyone gets behind
the wheel, a trip to Sears Point for a couple of laps would seem
most prudent.
To see an awesome demonstration of the
Charger’s raw, unadulterated power, click this link, go to
http://www.automobilemag.com/multimedia/video/0609_2006_dodge_charger_police_car/
and view the video showing a police version doing a sustained burnout.
The presentation is a lampoon of a police officer confronting
a hot-rodder wannabe in his old man’s Benz, but none-the-less
it demonstrates the squad car’s fearsome capabilities.
If you are wondering how Auburn can afford
to purchase what would appear to be a non-essential piece of equipment,
it is for the same reason a town of 12,500 has SWAT resources and
access to an armored personnel carrier. There is a ton of
grant money floating around for such “tools” to be used
in the name of drug interdiction, DUI enforcement and Homeland Security.
All you have to do is ask.
With this latest acquisition, Auburn would
seem to have all of the hardware it can warehouse, but I see one
glaring gap. In the spirit of preparedness, my belief is our
community could benefit immensely by adding an Air Wing to the Auburn
P.D. We already have the airport.
May I respectfully suggest the purchase
of a Boeing AH-64D Apache Longbow, a multi-role, two-place combat
helicopter with a top speed of 150 knots? With more than 1,500
units delivered and proven by 1.5 million flight hours, this helicopter
offers all of the utility and firepower we could ever need.
Consider these features:
--Long-range weapons accuracy and all-weather/
night fighting;
--Classification and threat-prioritization
of up to 128 targets in less than a minute;
--Armaments of laser-guided precision Hellfire
missiles, 70mm rockets and a 30mm automatic cannon with up to 1,200
high-explosive, dual-purpose ammunition rounds.
This chopper can lay down all the ordnance we could ever
need. Also comes in black.
If we can dig up the grant money quickly,
we can order one for delivery in 2008 for just under $14
million.
Excuse me for being flippant, but consider
this fact: In a straight line, our new Dodge Charger Stealthmobile
will effortlessly blow the doors off the aforementioned Apache attack
helicopter.
In an era when we can’t afford computers
for our schools and critical services are being cut everywhere,
do we really need to squander money—even free money—on
equipment that offers marginal benefit at best? The responsible
answer is obvious.
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